Ask Louie - where people come to solve unsolvable problems
Is x-ray vision bad for you?
December 4, 2011
Dear Louie, This has been bothering me for a long time. When Superman looks at a person, a lady for instance, with his x-ray vision, does he see her underwear or her ribs? I've been thinking it would be cool to have x-ray vision. Is that something I can develop? Also, is it bad to be exposed to x-rays from Superman? Thanks in advance, Jimy O Dear Jimy, If you just want to see naked ladies (I'm just guessing here.), I'm not sure that x-ray vision is the way to go. As for Superman's x-rays being bad? No. Superman is a benevolent character. If he kills you with his x-ray vision, it's only by accident. Hope that helps. Louie PS: You might want to try to develop microwave vision instead so you can at least pop popcorn. back to main page If Sharks Were Poisonous
October 24, 2011 Dear Louie, I just had an awful thought: What if sharks were poisonous? I'm already scared of sharks. Are there any poisonous species? I'm afraid of being nipped by one and maybe dying from a reaction to their toxic venom. EL-Wa from Ontario Hi EL-Wa, I'm an expert on this subject. It's good that you contacted me. Sharks are grouchy, and yes, some sharks are poisonous and therefore should be avoided. Their venom, if you should get get bitten by one and it breaks your skin, could be fatal. Despite the fact that your arm or leg, and sometimes your entire head, might be gone and that blood is gushing out of your body like a fire hose, most people actually die from the toxic venom of these ruthless predators. The effects of this poison can be felt sometimes in minutes. Although these sharks can certainly be deadly, the ones you really want to avoid are the varieties that also have laser beams in their eyes. These rare, nasty hunters can track you down from outer space and attack you in your dreams. The best way to avoid these creatures is to never leave your house and to always burn incense. Hope that helps, Louie back to main page Barbecue Blunderation
June 18, 2011
Dear Louie, I really messed up the barbecue today. I have a lot of guests too. What should I do? Thanks a bunch, Chance Dear Chance? (Is that your real name?) Order a pizza. Louie back to main page Why she do me like dat?
June 5, 2010
Hey Dear Louie, My girlfriend thinks I'm an idiot. I can't take it anymore. What should I do? P.S. I love her. She's really hot. - Rufus Hi Rufus, You should marry her. Louie back to main page They're so white...
April - 14 – 2010
Dear Louie, I had my teeth whitened a couple of years ago. Now summer’s coming and I’m afraid that when I get a tan it’ll look freaky. What should I do? - Paulette in Punxutawney Dear Paulette, I would advise you to drink as much Orange Pekoe tea as possible before June. Make it strong and don’t swallow it, just carry it around in your mouth. And try not to talk too much while you’re doing your tea therapy. (You might want to refer to my article, “How to Be a Ventriloquist.”) By the way, have you thought of adding anorexia to your "look good" strategy? Louie back to main page How to be a ventriloquist
April - 10 - 2010
Dear Louie, I’d like to become a ventriloquist. Should I read a book on the topic? Do any colleges offer courses – for credit… like Harvard? How can I find a good teacher? - Matt Hi Matt, I know a lot about this topic. You've come to the right place. You should first practice smiling all the time and talking with your teeth clenched, like I do. Practice this phrase: “Hi, ny nane is Natt. Utt’s yer nane?” Do it all day long. Don’t read any books. That’s stupid. That would be like reading a book telling you how to ride a bicycle. Know utt I nean? (I was sniling when I said dat.) Louie back to main page |
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